I had a great networking coffee with a friend-of-a-friend today, and it reminded me how often I hear statements like the following:
"I'm so impressed by how confident you are."
"I'm amazed that you can speak in front of large groups, that sounds really scary."
"How did you find the guts to start your own business?"
It's very sweet and generous when someone compliments me, and certainly I take these comments to heart. Everyone likes a little validation, and I'm no different. But I admit I find the praise to be a little strange.
Action Doesn't Imply Fearlessness.
The thing that sticks to me is this: The underlying inference that I am somehow brave or special or immune from the heart-in-the-throat fear that others feel when speaking in front of large groups.
In case you need proof of my fears, here are a few examples:
1) Whenever I take on a project that is something new and exciting (this describes almost all my projects) I come home and freak out a little bit. I worry that *this time* I won't be able to deliver.
2) Whenever I stand up in front of a group of people to speak, my heart is hammering so loudly I have a hard time hearing what the person introducing me is saying.
3) When I'm preparing to meet a business leader to discuss a potential consulting project, I experience feelings of worry and anxiety.
4) Last week during a major speaking engagement I referred to Thomas Edison emailing his colleagues. (The crowd busted a gut - so did I once I realized my gaffe).
What's the point of all this? Not only am I regular, human, and vulnerable, but I experience all the same dark human emotions and worries as the people who choose not to speak in front of large groups or start a business. I am as freaked out as anyone!
Short Term Suffering as a Price of Admission
When I go to the gym, the first ten minutes usually stink. I feel tired and annoyed and out of breath, but I know if I get through those first few minutes, it will feel better and I'll leave the treadmill or weight bench feeling mighty fine. So you tolerate the awful first 10 minutes because you know it's temporary.
It's the same with work related fears. If I can accept the heart-poundy-ness of my speaking engagement, or that flash of terror that accompanies a new project, or that feeling of anxiety that chokes me prior to meeting with a new clients, I know that on the other side of those "bad feelings" there is something wonderful.
Accomplishment. Joy. Collaborations. Meaningful Results. Fun. Praise. Laughter. *HighFive*
That's my hope for you, my internet friends, on this glorious Monday afternoon. Go do something that frightens you a little bit. Take an intelligent risk. Run right into that scary place, feel it and accept it, and come out on the other side.
I can't promise you that the scary parts won't be difficult (they *always* are) but I can tell you that on the other side of the fear, there is often something wonderful.
Cheri Baker is the owner of Emergence Consulting in Seattle WA. She is a popular public speaker on the topics of leadership, workplace communication, and creative thinking, even though she still gets nervous every time she steps in front of a mike.