Life is good. I'm not sure how to feel about it. How weird is that?
I decided to make 2010 my "Year of Me" and to avoid taking on anything extra that would stress me out. No school. No major volunteer or personal development projects. Lots of fun and exercise.
It's been one of my best years ever. I really enjoy my work. I have a consistent flow of projects from both existing and new clients. I've had ample leisure time. I'm down 13 pounds. My stress level is pretty low most days. If anything, mild boredom is creeping in. I made more money than I expected to this year. We are both employed. We took three family-oriented vacations, going to AZ to see my grandparents (just before my grandmother passed away), to the Carolinas for a cruise and family wedding, and to Hawaii with the Dad-in Law.
I'm struggling a little with feeling good about this year though. I actually feel guilty! There are a lot of people who are unemployed and unhappy, and I feel a bit evil to be enjoying my year. I feel even guilter when I think about continuing this pattern next year.
So how should I be thinking about this? Here are some different options:
1) Enjoy it while it lasts. Good times are fleeting. People you love get sick or die, work gets stressful, and life throws hurdles your way. One perspective says that I should simply enjoy this time while it lasts, because it won't last forever.
2) Volunteer more. One temptation to reduce my "life is good" guilt is to contribute more to the less fortunate. But how much sense does that make if it's just a selfish move to make myself feel better? I do volunteer with a few great nonprofits, I mentor, I help, and we contribute to many worthy causes. I'm not sure that amping up my d0-gooder-ness is the answer here.
3) Break my addiction to chaos. I think part of my weird feelings are related to the fact that I tend to expect life to be chaotic. I am a bit of a type A, so if I'm not embroiled in so much productive work that my ears bleed I feel at loose ends. How much of my unease is related to my compulsive need to be overworked?
It's not much good to be happy if I can't enjoy it. Time to get over myself already!